Have you ever played the waiting game? Waiting for your order, waiting for the mail, waiting in line – just waiting. Waiting isn’t so bad when there is a purpose, when you know what the outcome will be. You’re not waiting aimlessly, there’s a goal, there’s a reason – you wait in anticipation. But, are you waiting alone? Are you waiting together or are you waiting in the shadows? Did you establish a perimeter in which this waiting game will occur? Why must we wait, should we even wait? What will it be worth in the end?
I’ve waited before – waited for something to come to fruition, waited for things to change and for what? For whom? I’m patient, I can handle the wait because there’s hope and you picture your happy ending so you know the wait will be over. It will end and it will all have been worth it. Will it? Did you let life pass you by to wait for one when there could have been many? But have you defined this state of waiting? How are you so sure that you are not waiting alone? When it has not been explicitly defined, when the two of you are waiting for the right timing, the right circumstances – what are you really waiting for? There may be a mutual understanding that you are in deep like with one another, but if it were love, there would be no waiting, no? When in love you push through, you break the boundaries and you make it work – circumstances be damned. So when in wait, is it an acceptance of excuses? Have you allowed the excuses in and allowed them to permeate your existence? Are the excuses the state in which you live? Look around you, open your eyes and ask yourself, what are you really waiting for? For a friend to become a lover, for him to figure out his life and to be ready to commit – what are you waiting for? Why wait? Who is ever worth this wait?
During my time in the waiting room, I wished I had known what I know now. I waited for someone who would say what he thought he meant, yet what he said was not what he meant. So I waited. I waited. And waited. But where is he now? This person that I waited for? Nowhere in sight. He knew this, he knew I would wait. I served my time, but for what? There’s a limit to the time that should lapse. So, feeling that I was in my right, I asked: “how much longer?”
“How much longer for what?”
“What do you mean for what?”
“What are you waiting for?”
“Us. I’ve been waiting for us.”
“Are we friends?”
“I wouldn’t call it friends, you’ve said you liked me but it’s been hectic…”
“We make time for each other when we can. I mean, that’s what friends do.”
“We do what we can because friends try”
“I’m changing my expectations.”
“I do what I can, I’m busy. My reality is more difficult than yours.”
“I’ll remember that, friend.”
When did the dialogue change? Perhaps, while I was waiting. He threw that word “friend” around like it was the new kid on the block, that new shiny toy he had been waiting to wear out. Friend. He’s a smart boy, he knew what he was doing, rather than confronting it head on, the change, he said “friend” so I knew to no longer wait. How long had I been waiting from the time his reality changed? How long? A week, a month or it could have been from that very instant that the new “kid” came out to play. I was the call forwarding, the busy signal, the one for whom excuses were made.
This is a cautionary tale, my loves, there is never a need to wait.