Contrary to what you may believe, I don’t always enjoy discussing love or relationships. I’ve racked my brains for years trying to understand the person I am when I’m in love, the behaviour I display after a break-up and the incessant noise in my head mostly made up of various analyses of different love scenarios. Why am I like this? In a world where love is not black and white, where promiscuity is an acceptable form of relationship, where one can juggle multiple liaisons with the acknowledgement of the other parties, where do I fit in? This, my friends, is my current love dilemma and one of many running through my head. I’m constantly trying to understand this perpetual state of singledom at the exhaustion of my mental functions. Do I lead such an insignificant life that I am solely defined by my relationships?
It can be tiring having to wait for that person with whom you’re expected to live with for richer or for poorer and in sickness or in health. Yet, I am aware that this is the optimum time to discover myself; learn about my intricacies and relish in the single life. I guess, it’s just that during the holidays I feel forced to discuss my love life (or lack thereof) relentlessly. It’s the non-stop questions at holiday gatherings that multiplied the number of times that I’ve had to repeat “Yes I am still single.” and of course: “Nope, I wish I knew why too.” Then, there were the get-togethers with my girlfriends where we reflected on the past year in order to make our goals for the coming year, this included a very thorough inventory of all love related problems – we needed to know why they had occurred, what we could have changed and what growth came from these love situations. To be honest, 2014 was a heavy hitter in the love department which could be the main reason that discussing it has taken such a toll in comparison to previous years. Although talking about it may have forced me to relive painful memories, it also allowed me to embrace the lessons that I’ve learnt, ensured that I had dealt with any unresolved feelings and it gave me the opportunity to assess how far I’d come. Relationships are a constant in our lives and they don’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.
Funny how I say I tire myself from the constant relationship talks, but I wrote yet another post on the topic in question. I won’t fight it; it’s an urge I can’t resist.