The BIG Syndrome

Sex and the City has definitely done a number on me. I have always been a SATC supporter and the show has been there through all of my ups and downs. I remedied every breakup by watching several Sex and the City episodes while eating a couple of boxes of pizza. There was a period where I had gone through breakup after breakup and I had enough. I called a good guy friend of mine to complain about how another one bit the dust and he stopped me mid-man bashing sentence with a revelation: “Do you notice that you are always dating the same type of guy? He may have a different face and a different name, but essentially it’s the same guy.” It did make me pause and think for a minute. Was I really recycling men? Not literally of course, but it’s as though I was picking men from a tribe called “I-am-Emotionally-Unavailable-and-Do-Not-Expect-a-Commitment-From-Me-Anytime-Soon.” This was my relationship ah-ha moment.

It was true that there was a definite pattern there and now I wanted to get to the root of the problem. How did it all begin? I started thinking about all my past relationships and I began having flashbacks of Sex and The City episodes which all involved scenes with Big. All of the men that I’ve dated from this tribe definitely had commitment issues like Big. There is something about the last season of Sex and the City, when Big finally commits to Carrie, that somehow made me believe that I was next in line for my happily ever after. It was clear, however, that they were all doomed relationships and I was clinging on to false hope. We get sucked into the emotions of the story that it can seem all too close to reality. The Big Syndrome carries over to almost every romantic comedy that I’ve ever watched (remember He’s Just Not That Into You – the exception to the rule BS). After this revelation, it was truly an uphill battle and I did not suddenly feel empowered.

Not long after, I went on a movie date and we watched a romantic comedy. As predicted, the characters had a magical happy ending. Without even realizing it, I was making loud noises as though I was regurgitating food when the main characters kissed and during excessively mushy scenes. My date was more than alarmed and asked: “What’s wrong with you?!” Uhm nothing. That’s just how I tend to react to crap, I throw up. Needless to say, there were no other dates with this guy as he could somehow sense I had some serious issues. I was almost waiting for him to suggest that I go see a shrink and, in that moment, I would have completely agreed with him. I used to be one of those girls who would judge other women who would keep dating jerks (because I knew they were worth so much more) until I became one of them. I get it now. I do think that we need to get to a point where we just become tired of the BS (I have definitely reached that point) because your friends will tell you to leave him, but you won’t until you’ve had enough.

So let’s stop believing in the fairy tale endings because they do not exist. I repeat: it is all a sham. Unless you’re the exception to the rule of course and if you are, please keep it to yourself. But, let me clarify what I mean by fairytales do not exist; this may be the biggest revelation since you were told that Santa Claus wasn’t real. I want you to know that real love is hard work, but worth it. It won’t always be easy and we shouldn’t walk away at the first hint of trouble. Don’t be Carrie and wait around for a man who doesn’t deserve your love because he has yet to learn that love is measured by actions and he keeps falling short. Make sure that you only give your heart to someone who is equally willing to work as hard as you. So yes be hopeful, but trust his actions and not his words, he may say he loves you à la Big, but if time and time again, he fails to show up – leave, that is far from a fairy tale love.



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